Trying to get a good feeling going and staying going
Watching the West Wing
I am the definition of laconic.

Small things.

1. Curlers in my hair
2. Spent a lot of today being a bitch both needlessly and for good reason.
3. I have Friday off and I'm focusing on that and not on our crappy luncheon tomorrow and not on the fact that I do not have any time whatsoever to take Friday off.  Fuck it, I need it after my 70 hour work week.
4. Misha Collins, the cunning linguist, makes my heart glow.  He is the Cindy Loo Whoo of my grinchy, savage heart.  The Deanbottomses aren't so bad, either.
5. I need to register for Wincon, make an appointment, start spelling properly, make it through a work week without another fucking thing going wrong.

And one...nice guy...you better have something to say to me next time I see you.  This is getting sad.  And weird. 

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1.  When I psych myself up and go out and walk - I always feel so much better.
2.  When I talk to teh Deanbottoms crew - I always feel so much better.  SO MUCH. 
3.  When I drink more water and less pop - I always feel so much better.
4.  When I hear Misha Collins saying anything, but especially, when he says Fuck You and Fuck It - I always feel so much better.
Seriously, spent all of today laughing with and at him.  My face hurts as a result. I think he is a verbal ninja with dazzling skills.  I just adore him so very much.  He encourages me to be whoever the fuck I am wherever I am.  Dangerous, dangerous Misha. I also hope the boys and the fans had a good time, because we've heard so much not-good via le Twittah.
5.  When I write anything, substantial or no - I always feel so much better. 

And one.  My life is about to get super crazy with our event season at work.  Three major happenings in 2 weeks - farmers' market, our town's 150th birthday, and a car show that both my bring in more than 15,000 each.  I don' t know what this means for my internet life or my brain.  I know what it should mean - staying away, resting, reading books, preparing myself.  But that's probably not going to happen.  We're trying to eat a little better, exercise some more, drink more water and have a good attitude.  Might turn down a few chatting invitations if I'm super crushed. That's Sunday talk, of course, but that's what I got.

In lieu of an entry, I decided to post a poem from my virb account as no one's reading this over there and I want to post and just... do something as opposed to waiting for a thing to be done. 

A Thing Adrift
I've decided I've no need for a boyfriend.
Not at least more than I need a yesman.
Earnest for my approval.
Ready and willing to lie
To save my ragged sake.
A seller of stones
And snake oils.
With a thin, fabricated smile that stays
just long enough to sear the lips
of those he kisses
with a memory, true or imagined,
of earnest approval
and the goodest of faiths.
Faith based not on love or trust, but an
ironclad refusal to disbelieve.

A vessel that sails away all that wavers,
terrified, storm-sick, blanched and abandoned,
and returns it salvaged and without a seam.
An automaton behind glass walls that spits out fortunes
on gilt slips, in gold inks, Blessings upon you,
oh, you thing adrift
on this disregarded sea.
seeking home and finding only horizon.

Happy Birthday, gigglingkat, my travel buddy!  Hope it is/was wonderful for you.

After a mini-marathon, 5 and One Things I Love about Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

1.  All the props that look like vibrators.
2. Julian Bashir still is my dearest Good Doctor and his accent still makes me swoon.  I watched for him then, and I'm watching for him now.
3. Sometimes the techno-babble is so complex and yet absolutely ridiculous and fragile that if you thought for one second about chroniton particles and neutrino fields...it collapses like a flan in a cupboard.  Also, it makes angels and demons pontificating on the dominion of heaven and hell seem absolutely straight out of a Flannery O'Connor novel.  There is a lot of religion to be found, too.  It's interesting, but it's up against the Starfleet PCism and it's odd.  It's very gray and very murky.  I like it, but it sometimes feels like marching knee-deep through oatmeal.
4. Ferengis.  They're just so fucking disturbing looking.
5. The characters are really...you care about them. 

And one, this is just a huge flashback to my childhood.  I'm not a big Trekkie, I haven't even seen DS9 after Season 4 or 5, I mean to rectify that now...but wow, some of these episodes bring about this powerful odd synaesthesia.  I watch and I smell smells, think thoughts, hear songs and I'm back there.  It's odd. 

1.  Supernatural tonight.  We're just delighted.  It's totally helping me relax from a stressful, well...life.  Fucking Denver is putting it on an hour later.  What?  I have to watch an extra episode of Antiques Roadshow and pretend the rest of the world is not enjoying them some Sam'n'Dean?  What?  Fine.  I don't care.  Just give me the fucking Misha.  Fuck.  I am madly in fannish love with him.

2.  Another snowstorm tomorrow.  Joy.  Yesterday, I got as far as the grocery store in my little slip and slide - Hyundai Accent.  Then I called and had my father pick me up once it finally cleared a little.  Yes, I live in Colorado and I find snow more annoying than many annoying things.  Fuckin' A.  When I'm rich and famous, I don't know if I'll move away, but I will definitely get me a driver. 

3.  I had a fantabulous dinner tonight.  I'd forgotten about roast chicken and broccoli.  Not really missing carbs too much when you can have a meal that completely fills you up.  However, as I get to be antsy for an extra hour today before SPN, I'm wondering how I can avoid ice cream.  Thankfully, we have no pie on hand.   I'm just trying to force myself back into the groove so I don't gain any of this lost weight back and so that I can be a sleek little bunny for #4.   

4.  General question:  what do you wear to a wedding for a pair of seventy-year olds when you're trying to flirt with one guest (nice engineer)  and avoid flirting with another (skeevy old guy)?  Hmmm.    The cleavage conundrum is a constant one. 

5.  Michelle Obama is so inspiring to me, but someone needs to give Barack Obama a nap.  Just a wee little nap.  He's amazing, but he's so superheroic he's got to be exhausted.  I kinda feel optimistic? Maybe?

And one...to anyone who's new, I write in this format fairly exclusively, (this 5 and 1). 5 of the many blips on my radar and maybe one with a little more weight.  Otherwise, I might never post.  But ...feel free to ask about anything you care to ask about. 

This never, ever, never, ever happens. 

The snow is roaring like the static in a busted tv.   We so need the moisture and now that I don't have to worry about driving in this icy veil, it is beautiful, a delicately tatted lace.  Strange how perception hardens and softens the focus on the same one thing.

I plan to read the rest of my book.  Clear my floor.  Window shop on the internet. Exercise.  Maybe I can even make some soup from scratch.  That may be asking too much.  Our larder is fairly bare, unfortunately, and I don't know what we're going to end up eating.  Makes me wish I hadn't thrown out that sandwich yesterday.    We don't even have any diet soda.  No milk.  No bread.   Just some rotisserie chicken, some chips and salsa, and just lots of canned green beans and blueberry oatmeal (which I don't eat).  It would probably be a willful disregard for human life to order a pizza today.  Hmmm. 

What this actually impacts is me getting to watch the show on the HDTV at my parents.   ZOMG, NO!  The snow outside is preferable to the shitty reception my tv gets here at home.  Risking life and limb for the Winchesters is actually crossing my mind.  But, hmmm.  We'll see.  

1.  Cramps.  Enough said.

2.  I think Mishaland's my new favorite place in both the known and unknown universes.

3.  I am possibly taking .000001% sekrit credit for saving the bookstore. 

4.  Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day - possibly one of my top 3 holidays - maybe top two.  Erin Go Bragh! 

5.  I am having the creative dry heaves.  I know there's something in me that wants out, but I am just gagging over the proverbial toilet, so to speak.  Where's the Pimp Hand of Ipecac when you need it?  I have 58 pages of fanfic that something should happen with, my poetry chapbook, the NOVEL, my poempleasure blog idea, or maybe ANYTHING longer than a damn facebook status.  But no, no.   I'd rather just stare at Cakewrecks.  Blah. 
And One.    New tragic romance that nobody knows is going on?  Me and the copier rep.   My co-worker has decided we're a match and he's sending me toner instead of flowers.  She literally nudge, nudge, wink, winked him about me while I was sitting right there.  Seriously.  I could make a quite entertaining coffee table book of all the people I should have been soulmates with but happened to miss the little postcard they send you in the mail to tell you so. 

Just a few things so that I don't forget.  I don't anticipate they'll make sense to everyone, even those who were there, but hey - such is the nature of the con.  But first! Patty and Kat. They make life for a shy, dopey, first-timer like me that has never even heard of a fucking jug handle much less north or south in New Jersey feel so wonderful and they also made for one of the best weekends I can recollect.  They're freaking amazing, lovely ladies.

• ( LJ - no, I WILL CUT YOU. )

I am dedicating this to all of us who are going through "a time" right now.

Whenever I feel afraid
I hold my head erect
And whistle a happy tune
So no one will suspect
I'm afraid.

While shivering in my shoes
I strike a careless pose
And whistle a happy tune
And no one ever knows
I'm afraid.

The result of this deception
Is very strange to tell
For when I fool the people
I fear I fool myself as well!

I whistle a happy tune
And ev'ry single time
The happiness in the tune
Convinces me that I'm not afraid.

Make believe you're brave
And the trick will take you far.
You may be as brave
As you make believe you are

Do you know how many times a day I throw up my hands and mutter...whisper...shout SAMMIIIIEEEE into the ether?

It's kind of a lot.

1. So, James McAvoy, eh?  And Laurence Fox.
2. For just one weekend, I'd like to accomplish something.   Gah.  Hopefully, I can report back and #3 will include a few things done as watching Becoming Jane, eating hot wings and playing Katamari Damacy is awesome short term but not great when I have a totally messy house and figuring out what goes with sparkly tights to contend with.  We make our own epic sagas, my friends, and this is mine.
3.....Ta-da.  Well.  That worked out okay.  It's like...2 1/2 hours later and I've folded what can only be referred to as a shit-ton of clothes, exercised on the bike for 10, jogged for 30, strength for 15.  I've planned my outfit for tomorrow (This is not a common occurrence, BTW), made some ham and spinach mini-quiches for breakfast next week and I'm feeling rather lovely.  Once I paint my nails (silver, pearly pink, bright red, or bright green?), I shall feel bizarrely decadent.  Did I tell you I have fake lashes for tomorrow, too?  I swear, I'm going to go to the office looking like Zsa-Zsa Gabor.  Likely feel a twat by the time of the bowling tournament, but my new motto is basically...what the hell?  Might as well have an expected fall on your face versus an unexpected one.
4.  We're having tilapia for dinner.  I'm totally not a fish person at all.  My gag reflex is activated whenever I walk by an aquarium.  So, this is something of an adventure.  All the the name of omega-3's and fatty acids and crazy shit that really, I'd like to not to bother with...but! 
5.  Tonight:  Watching Reality Bites.  I've never seen it and my 90's adolescence has failed me yet again.  If I can get some writing done on top of everything else, you all better get out your umbrellas because the piggies will be flying and I can't be paying everyone's dry cleaning bills.

And one:  In matters of the heart, Dean Winchester is right about one thing:  what's dead should stay dead.

I wrote something in an old blog and I was trolling through it and really liked it.  Has anyone gone through the process of consolidated blogs?  I have stuff dating back to 1997, and I was thinking I should get another typepad blog and just dump it all there - but?  I'm trying to figure out what my motivation would be for that...and beyond having it somewhere that I can easily access all of it and not forget my passwords...I don't know. 

In honor of Valentine's month and given the likelihood that once again, I'm going to be mud-spattered and alone in the snow for this obnoxious and abrading <strike>holiday</strike>reminder of my own mortality and solitary existence...it might be nice to blog this month about things I love, things I believe in, things that make me happy instead of the usual emo!kid is emo stuff.  I'll try. 

So 5 + 1, very brief
1. Lost 13 pounds (up and down a bit), possibly lost a pant size. 
2. Got hair cut, brows waxed and magnificent blonde highlights.
3. For the next 24 hours, I may have a crush on Kurt Warner.
4. My house is tidy which makes me smile so hard it hurts.
5. Sean Biggerstaff (will never not require a HEE!) is amazing in Cashback.  There's lots of nudity in the film, lots of stupid boys being stupid and girls doing the same, but it's almost painfully romantic.

And One.  If the nice boy is at the bowling alley, he will be treated to a pair of sparkly tights.   So, Cupid?  Never say I never tried to grease the wheels, kay, kid?

Under the topic of things that just fucking suck:  Kim Manners' death.  I don't even know what to say about it, beyond the fact that he was taken too soon, he was loved, and his work will live on.

What a fabulous day in the universe.

If I wasn't at work - the John Williams music, with the "'Tis a gift to be simple, tis a gift to be free, tis a gift to wind up where you ought to be" woulda had me bawling.

Glorious.  I feel like I'm made of sunlight. 

I am totally salivating for next Thursday.

SUPERNATURAL QUOTE MEME!! from gigglingkat 
If you see this, quote Supernatural in your LJ!

Harry: What are you guys doing here?

Dean: What the hell are you doing here?

Ed: Uh, we belong here, we're professionals.

Dean: Professional what?

To you and yours, I wish the very merriest of holidays.  I think, simply and without cynicism, I am very lucky and blessed to have what I have and be where I am today.  I hope you feel the same.

-Laivine/Krista