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5 & 1: 2010

I forgive the past.
I embrace the future.

We are on the bleeding edge, coursing forward.  

You have no idea how lucky I am to know you and to have you in my life.  

I won't always have a perfect strength, or sight, or the werewithal to make everything the way perfect.  

But nonetheless.  I'm well.  I'm here.  And I'm feeling a little kickass.

Goodbye and hello.


Holiday Confessions of a Fangirl

Multifandoming is weird.

I know it's not, not really. But after being mono-faniacle for all of my life, I'm in a weird place where I am totally and utterly giddy in a creative, active way over a lot of different things. In earnest. My habit with (X-Files, Lord of the Rings, and to some degree, Supernatural) is to basically fixate.  I burned my desire for the things I loved into a dry husk, poisoning the well, so to speak. And now, I'm suddenly kind of putting an appendage into every fandom I can find. There's always been little dribbles of YAY!Richard Armitage or YAY!Iolaus in Hercules or YAY!Dark Angel or YAY whatever, but I've never been able or willing to handle multiple fandoms full bore for fear, I guess, of tainting one with the other or one being subsumed by the other.

Right now, I'm digging:
Misha and everything Misha-related, not least of all Castiel and everyone in [info]mishaland
Supernatural which kind of feels like home, maybe if home is a dirty, backroads whorehouse.  I know the ins and outs of the thing, where to avoid and  I know it's messed up and troubled and could use some therapy, but it works for me consistently.
Sheldon (mostly with Penny) from the Big Bang Theory
Alistair from Dragon Age (and Bann Teagan, damn that clever dialogue in the Chantry) with the Cousland origin. I think it's a testament to the story and the voice acting that I'm replaying this game for the 3rd time to get the nuances.
Hatter from SyFy's surprisingly good Alice miniseries. But I must append that it's only been one night with him. One very, very nice night.   With guyliner.  And the eponymous hat.
Steampunkery in general. Because it's fun to feel fancy and deviant and creative.
I'm also starting to read A Song of Ice and Fire (since I found the first book at TehBookstore for 4 bucks) and I feel a whole wave of creativity just simmering as a result for my own work. I don't have enough time for any of this and they're all battering around in my head like birds trying to escape through a closed window, but I don't feel like I have to focus on one to save it from the others.    It's actually a lot less stressful to stop avoiding enjoying what I enjoy to the hilt on the basis of some sort of ridiculous, self-enforced code of loyalty.
In other words, letting go and letting love is a good thing.   It makes sense to me right now as a mantra beyond fandom, too.  This is the time of the year where whether or not we deserve it or know better, there should be joy.

Happy Markshakkah!

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

Last Monday on a flight to Vancouver, I stole the emergency flight information card (-40 points). Last Thursday I committed genocide... Sorry about that, alethialia (-5000 points). In January weesta and I robbed a bank (-50 points). Last Wednesday I signed my organ donor card (28 points). In September I gave change to a homeless guy (19 points).

Overall, I've been naughty (-5043 points). For Christmas I deserve a lump of coal!


Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:


I figured I better post about the AWESOME (tm Rob Benedict, at this point?) of this weekend before I forget everything and fly back to Denver - which I hear is warmer than it is in Chicago. Fingers crossed I have completely circumvented the snowfall.

So, dearest darlings, things
1. Misha. In a suit. In a boat. In a house. On a stage. In a cage. In a three-piece suit. He is so my hero for everything this weekend, the snark and the beyond the pale sweetness that I'm sure others on my flist will expand on and some have already. He said, amidst a stream of glib commentary on something - possibly Australia, "regrets are hollow." I find that both telling and inspiring. That stuck out in my mind. I heart him, fyi. In case you were unsure on that point. No big autograph story for me, he was lovely and sweet and with fingers that...suffice to say, he's got some nice fucking fingers and he wasn't tired after signing for hours and hours and hours. Also, he wears pumpkin-colored man panties sent to him by clearly delirious fangirls. I think gembat is right. He just doesn't give a shit except about the things he gives a shit about.
2. Jared and Jensen. I hadn't seen them "live and in person" (aside from A Few Good Men and that wasn't this, obvs) and they really are as warm and wonderful as everyone has always said. They talked about the show, the future, and themselves and nobody asked anything that made me want to run away in full-blown embarrassment squick and terror. They are pretty damn endearing and prettier than Jesus. Jared's earnestness is pretty incredible. Watch the vids, try and not love him, I dare you.
3. Rob. I thought he was great. Whatever nerves he had, he hid them pretty well. The universe has blessed us with genuinely talented and pleasant people on this show. Chuck and Becky = Kripke and the Fandom? She's crazy but he LUFFS her and he's lonely and tragic, but she sees this potential in him? Hmmm.
4. Tracy, Anna, Richard, Jim. I'll try and edit back and expound on them today since I should have a long wait until my five o'clock flight. They all were great. Cheery. Richard was especially great as induced Misha to call him a fuckball. Which is an unexpectedly hilarious thing to call someone else. And kind of deserved if they're outing you about your panty situation.
5. I think Mishaland deserves its own post. Do you even have to ask? Gnome adventures, haunted elevators with Marksha hanging out at the bottom sayin' hay! We could NOT ESCAPE! Steampunk Day. Creeping on Tracy's date with Misha. Holy shit, shit happened, people. I dunno. It was a con, it was perfect.

Music Meme

A meme from stickymint !
I want to hear your favourite songs, flist!

Here are my top five songs *of right now* uploaded. Download 'em, listen to 'em, then upload your own top five to your journal.

ThouShaltNot - Crawling Deeper
The Weakerthans - Without Mythologies
Vienna Teng - Drought
Ryan Adams and the Cardinals - Let It Ride (Austin City Limits vers.)
Matthew Good Band - Load Me Up

Let me know what you think of them, and I'll let you know what I think of yours :D


1.  It's been a weird ass weekend.  I've kind of been coming down hard from everything and it left me feeling really disconnected and really...hungry.  Sort of out of control.  I'm thinking it's probably good ol' Fred (insert your favorite period euphemism here). Right now, though?  I have plans, a sense of air in my lungs, and I'm feeling okay.  Time will tell.  Always does.
2. Steampunk for ChiCon.  It's gonna end up more BellaMcFancy Pants, but I'm okay with that.  It's fun, crafty stuff.  Also, I am very pleased that gembat showed me a picture of her hotness her dress because I had .5 seconds of worry that we'd decide not to do it/I'd be the loon in the top hat and three-tiered skirt + corset of BarbieGhostHuntingSteamPunk Goodness in Chicago. I has a hat.  And the rest of the outfit, obvs, but no picture as yet of that. The webcam is shitty, what can I say?
3. Intern comes back tomorrow.  I am going to burn off her hours as soon as I possibly can.  I just do so much better on my own.
4. Chili Cook-Off went great! Even in that miserable, shitastic cold?  2500 people. 32000 samples of chili.  I actually got compliments on being organized.  I LOL'ed in real life when I heard that.  Wouldn't have missed Wincon for the world, but I'm glad that it didn't die without my hand on the rudder.
5. Slowly but surely, I will clean this house up.  I bleached the bathtub today.  Did you hear that, universe that cares about my housekeeping ability?  I also scrubbed the toilet.  So gold star for me.  This reminds me of when we used to play Nun Reform School as kids.  We were sick kids, still are.  It also makes me think about why I love Mishaland so much.  It's the discipline.

And one.  I'd like to write a few things about this season and why I think it's so rad. Why I'm loving Sam right now. Why I want them to keep their frat-boy jokes away from Castiel.  What a season 6 might look like in my limited view.  All my fan-thoughts. I am watching the show, thinking a lot about it, but for the first time in ages, I'm reading some great books, watching some other stuff (Big Bang Theory, ST:DS9,  and I think over Thanksgiving, I'm going to try to watch True Blood and Generation Kill.  Those are the two that have been on the periphery and have actually made a dent in my unassailable resistance to new shows, so we'll see), but I hope to post something more than bullet points soon! 



Beta Wanted

 So.  I think I need a beta.  Interested, please comment for details.  

Personal WinCon Schedule

I know I owe some comments.  I will do that.  Just gotta be sure I do this.
Working till noon, going over to the hotel afterwards via sister.  Will bring all things shipped to me, my prom dress, my zombie pale makeup, any requested alcohol, any other unexpected wants and needs.  Meeting fangirls.  Waiting for Kat and Kat!Mom to get to the hotel room.  Enjoying their company until SHOW! Watching show and getting happy until a reasonable hour so I can wake up...

Getting a ride from hotel via other sister so I can go to work from 8:30-noon or so and get all the last minute Chili Cook-Off shit done.   Returning to hotel.  Flailing.  Doing fangirl stuff.  Enjoying WinCon.  Showing the sites if we have time for that stuff. Waiting for weesta to get in.  Re-watch. Banjo Billying this shit.  Hopefully, deservedly, getting drunkles. 

Seeing if anyone has a need/desire to go to said Chili Cookoff (1-5pm).  I WILL NOT WORK IT.  I WILL NOT WORK IT.  If yes, do that for a bit.  If no, do other things.  Go to WinCon things, go to WinCon Prom, be fabulous, drink more. 

More fun/go home/splatter.

Am I missing anything, fucking up anyone's schedule?  I hate the fact that I don't have it all off.  HATE. I would LOVE to not have to come in on Friday and I will fight like hell to figure out a way to manage that, but I think they need to print shit and there's nobody but me who knows how to print anything.  So.  Please contact me, guys, hotel mates, if you needed or expected me to do something and I don't have it on here.   I don't think I need to pick anyone up from the airport and the hotel dates are right for everyone, right?  I'm nervous! 


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